Well well wellness

So I've got this job possibility that I can't say too much about, but suffice it to say it concerns teaching people about how to lead a healthy life style and thus...be healthy.  Sounds good, huh? Insurance rates go down, health care costs go down,  I get a new job, everybody wins.

I'm very excited...but now the 20 pounds I've put on since January is feeling like 400!!  I've had a phone interview that went very positively.  PHONE INTERVIEW.  Just a regular phone, not one of those George Jetson TV phones.  So the people haven't actually SEEN me yet.  I'm about a size 14...last year this time I was a size 10...(falls face down onto Macbook in horror).  I'm not sure what happened other than 1. I stopped taking the stairs at work and B. I started eating fried food again.  I'm tellin ya, they could fry GRAVEL and I'd eat it if it were breaded and dipped in ketchup.  So I'm trying to figure out how to lose 30 pounds and get the flab tightened up before the person who wants to to interview me returns from the east coast next week.  Short of sawing off a limb...it ain't gonna happen.  So I'm going to have to distract them with my incredible wit and maybe dazzle them with a new pair of shoes.  I can imagine it now after the interview.  Funny girl, kinda cute, nice shoes...but did you see the size of her ASS????

I'm also the worst parent of the millennium because my child exists almost solely on chicken nuggets and Pop-tarts...no...actually she DOES exist on that with the occasional pancake thrown in and on a really good day, a grilled cheese.  I'm the biggest hypocrite of the century!  Um...oh yes, I'm your wellness specialist and you need to be trim, fit and healthy...unless you're my five year old and then you can have fatty streaks in your liver and a cholesterol level of 1209.  I guess that's really not that funny. (is that DCFS at the door?)

I also have no patience because I think after one phone call and not actually MEETING me they should hire me and pay me more money than I'm making now...what?  Is that weird? I don't think so. Let's save everyone a little time.  Cut to the chase.   Give me what I want and everyone will be happy.

So, I can either eat that left over spaghetti in the fridge for dinner, or I can start this whole healthy thing right now and try to find something a little less...mmmmm...pasta-y.  Kraft Macaroni and Cheese?  No?  

AM I NOT GOING TO GET THIS JOB?????  I promise to eat a whole head of lettuce and maybe some broccoli if I get the job.  Now I have to go...someone wants to show a movie on my ass.