I hate Frosty and other rants

This morning Joe had to leave early for work, so I planned to take Emma to day care. No problem. She's pretty good in the morning.

So I got up my usual time and staggered around the house for a while, checked my email, made sure nothing earth shattering had changed on Facebook (it COULD, you never know) and thought "huh...those plants on the front porch look a little wilty. Think I'll go water them."

As I opened the front door, I swear it wasn't even open a CRACK, Frosty (the doofus pictured above) shot through the crack and out into the front yard. Now this should not be an issue right? Because the dog should obey the mistress, right? Well, Frosty didn't get that memo. She shot across the street and into a thigh high field of soy beans where I could only see the tip of her fluffy tail from time to time.

I was so pissed.

A. I haven't had any coffee yet and 2. I have on men's pajama pants that are two sizes too big and no bra. And no SHOES. And no CONTACTS. I yelled at Frosty (or at least the blurry cream colored thing I thought was Frosty) and she completely ignored me, so engrossed was she in her soybean field heaven.

So I went and put on scuffy slippers and my contacts (oh that looks better)..and went back out. Now she's gone...the little *&^%$&($$#@. I CROSS the road and start looking through the bean field to find her thinking of all the nasty things I'm going to do to her when I catch her (back down PETA people...I was only going to do it in my head...not really to her). I can't find her. It's now getting closer to time to be out of the house. I'm still in jammies in a bean field. Emma is still asleep across the street in the house. Then I saw a flash of white. It was HER. I crept up to her murmuring all kinds of sweet puppy love talk and when she wagged her tail and stood still I grabbed her and she knew she'd been really really bad. I stopped murmuring sweet puppy talk and told her that she'd make a nice sandwich for the German shepherd down the street. She's muddy, I'm muddy and we head for the house.

Needless to say, she got put right in her crate with no ceremony or treats. Peaches watched the whole thing with mild amusement.

The morning went down hill from there. I ran out of eye liner, my pants had slipped on the hanger so that they were all crunched up on one end so I had the most lovely accordion wrinkles at the knees.

Got Emma to school on time, I got to work on time. You can hardly see my eyes due to lack of liner and I look like an unmade bed because of wrinkles, had no time for a shower, so it's yesterday's hair (isn't that supposed to be cool?). On the way out the door Emma said "maybe we should get rid of the dogs, they are too much WORK". I told her that sounded like a really GOOD idea. Frosty is lucky she's not in a box addressed to Zimbabwe right NOW.