Heading anywhere in Chicago is never "easy". We made the woeful decision to follow MapQuest's directions and I think it took us through seven small Chicago suburbs before we finally found ourselves in Wrigleyville. Wrigley Field is an interesting place. There is NO parking facility. It's all street parking and the driveways and alleyways of wily Wrigleyville residents. As we got closer to the field, we noticed that there were people with home made poster board signs that advertised PARKING $30.
WHAT????? Oh that must be three dollars...no, no, I'm pretty sure that was a THIRTY. Like, Three Zero. We drove closer and finally were across the street from the field. By this time we're running late for the game...according to Joe.....it's still 40 minutes before game time but he has to get the scorecard and program and rev up his testosterone level. It's a baseball game after all!
So Joe pulls into a driveway and this swarthy, pirate looking guy says "Pull in pull in pull in!!" Joe asks how much and the guy says "$40 dollars....you leave your keys and you leave anytime. $50 dollars and you take your keys". Joe nods and the guy jumps on a BIKE and yells "FOLLOW ME!!".
I said "what was that part about keys???" Joe is all intent on following Bob the Bicycle Boy down a side alley next to the ball park. There are three guys standing in a small area with two driveways on either side of the alley. They have the area stuffed with CARS. One of the guys comes up to the window and says "Let your passenger out and back it in". So I get out and Joe backs MY car in and the guy says "You leave keys...40 dollars...you leave whenever you want". I stood there slack jawed. We're in Chicago and Joe just handed the keys to my NOT PAID FOR SUV to a band of swarthy pirate guys in a back alley. What about this doesn't seem right to YOU?
We're walking to the ball field and I kept saying "you left the keys". Joe says "I know". I say "you left MY car keys with a guy we don't know". "I know, it's fine". "WE'RE IN CHICAGO".
"I KNOW IT'S FINE". I think we had the same conversation about 269 times on the way to the ball field. I wasn't feeling any better about it by the time we got to our seats, but our seats were pretty good. I talked myself into the idea that THIS IS WHY WE HAVE CAR INSURANCE. It took me awhile. I was pretty sure there was a no pay clause if you HAND the thief your CAR KEYS. Especially if he looks like a pirate.
The game itself was a SNOOZE. The crowd however was very entertaining. Especially as the $6.25 beers seemed to become more popular as the temperature went up and the innings went by. Hotdogs...$4.00. Bottle of diet pepsi $4.00 and so on. I busied myself with a $3.00 dollar bag of peanuts in the shell and thought about what kind of car I'd buy with the insurance money after the pirates stripped my Equinox to the bare chassis.
The game mercifully ended three hours after it started, but not until after the crowd danced to YMCA. I might add the guy in the red, white and blue clown afro was pretty good. We went back to the spooky alley inhabited by the creepy, swarthy, pirates (did I mention they were wearing alot of gold chains?). And there they were...the pirate guys...and there it was!! My CAR!!!!!! I almost hugged it. Joe and I got in and as we drove away I said "SEE, I told you it would be fine."
And then because MapQuest gives such stupid directions, I decided I would get us home an infinitely shorter and more direct way.
And I got us lost. The end.
1 comment:
$40!?!?! *Mumbles some comment about pillaging*
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