Strike One Matey!

Joe had free tickets to a Chicago Cubs game this past Friday.  I'm not a huge sports fan, but I'm always up for interesting snacks, so I agreed to go and took the day off. 

Heading anywhere in Chicago is never "easy".  We made the woeful decision to follow MapQuest's directions and I think it took us through seven small Chicago suburbs before we finally found ourselves in Wrigleyville.  Wrigley Field is an interesting place.  There is NO parking facility.  It's all street parking and the driveways and alleyways of wily Wrigleyville residents.  As we got closer to the field, we noticed that there were people with home made poster board signs that advertised PARKING $30.  

WHAT?????  Oh that must be three dollars...no, no, I'm pretty sure that was a THIRTY.  Like, Three Zero.  We drove closer and finally were across the street from the field.  By this time we're running late for the game...according to Joe.....it's still 40 minutes before game time but he has to get the scorecard and program and rev up his testosterone level.  It's a baseball game after all!   

So Joe pulls into a driveway and this swarthy, pirate looking guy says "Pull in pull in pull in!!" Joe asks how much and the guy says "$40 dollars....you leave your keys and you leave anytime.  $50 dollars and you take your keys".  Joe nods and the guy jumps on a BIKE and yells "FOLLOW ME!!". 

I said "what was that part about keys???"  Joe is all intent on following Bob the Bicycle Boy down a side alley next to the ball park.  There are three guys standing in a small area with two driveways on either side of the alley.  They have the area stuffed with CARS.  One of the guys comes up to the window and says "Let your passenger out and back it in".  So I get out and Joe backs MY car in and the guy says "You leave keys...40 dollars...you leave whenever you want".  I stood there slack jawed.  We're in Chicago and Joe just handed the keys to my NOT PAID FOR SUV to a band of swarthy pirate guys in a back alley.  What about this doesn't seem right to YOU?  

We're walking to the ball field and I kept saying "you left the keys".  Joe says "I know".  I say "you left MY car keys with a guy we don't know".  "I know, it's fine".  "WE'RE IN CHICAGO".

"I KNOW IT'S FINE".  I think we had the same conversation about 269 times on the way to the ball field.  I wasn't feeling any better about it by the time we got to our seats, but our seats were pretty good.  I talked myself into the idea that THIS IS WHY WE HAVE CAR INSURANCE.  It took me awhile.  I was pretty sure there was a no pay clause if you HAND the thief your CAR KEYS.  Especially if he looks like a pirate.

The game itself was a SNOOZE.  The crowd however was very entertaining.  Especially as the $6.25 beers seemed to become more popular as the temperature went up and the innings went by.  Hotdogs...$4.00.  Bottle of diet pepsi $4.00 and so on.  I busied myself with a $3.00 dollar bag of peanuts in the shell and thought about what kind of car I'd buy with the insurance money after the pirates stripped my Equinox to the bare chassis.

The game mercifully ended three hours after it started, but not until after the crowd danced to YMCA.  I might add the guy in the red, white and blue clown afro was pretty good. We went back to the spooky alley inhabited by the creepy, swarthy, pirates (did I mention they were wearing alot of gold chains?).  And there they were...the pirate guys...and there it was!!  My CAR!!!!!!  I almost hugged it.  Joe and I got in and as we drove away I said "SEE, I told you it would be fine."  

And then because MapQuest gives such stupid directions, I decided I would get us home an infinitely shorter and more direct way.  

And I got us lost.  The end.

Ting CLINK Ting CLINK!

My husband is hot...no, I mean SWEATY.   All the time.  If he thinks about hot, he sweats.  When I first met him  he had several fans in his bedroom and I don't mean the kind with pom poms or that want autographs.  I'm talking oscillating, humming, fans on poles.  It was like the fan display aisle at Wal-Mart. 

So when we moved into this house he was MORTIFIED to learn there wasn't a ceiling fan in the bedroom.  We had one put up and for the last several years it's been just fine.  Always on HIGH, but just fine.  Every once in a while when the build up of dust on the blades gets to critical mass, I make him clean it off.  He's always turning it on, I'm always turning it off.  It's just a little fan dance we do.....(AHAHAHAHAHA....okay that wasn't that funny...)

Anyway. Recently, something happened to the fan.  In the middle of the night it started to go tink-tink-tink-tink.  The little pully chain that can be used to switch speeds or turn the lights on or off suddenly  started hitting the light fixture.  TINK TINK TINK TINK.  That will PISS YOU OFF in the middle of the night.  Okay...a little aside here...I'm one of those people who can't stand repeated noises.  If it's a rhythmic repeated noise I don't find it soothing, I want to smash it with a ROCK.  So TINK TINK TINK at two am am am pisses me off off off.  What did I do?  I woke up Joe and made him stand up and fix it.

I'm not sure what he did, but it seemed to work until the middle of the night just the night before last when it started to ting CLINK ting CLINK in the night.  DAMN pully chain thing!  Only louder and with a new CLINK added just for rhythmic fun.  It was like sleeping with the percussion section from the Miami Sound Machine in the room.  I woke up Joe to make him FIX IT (I'm not going to stand up and fix it for Pete's sake...that fan will whack my hand off in the dark).  And this time...no fixy.  It just wouldn't stop!  It was maddening.  I finally made him turn the fan off and then he laid there and griped because he thought the bedroom instantly became a sweat lodge.

My question is this.  What makes a fan go bad?  We had no earthquakes, house shifts or otherwise fan unbalancing events!  All of a sudden it's got more sway than a hula girl convention.  What the hell is that?  I even thought about taking off the pully chain things (source of the damned clinking) but then Joe will somehow get it on HIGH and I won't be able to turn it down and it will be like a wind tunnel in there.  And you know what's as bad as ting CLINK?  FREEZING TO DEATH.

I have to kind of laugh because he actually gets up to fix it when I wake him up.  Either I've got him really well trained or he knows that if I had to get up to fix it, the thing would get yanked out of the ceiling and tossed through the window like a propeller.

I'm not friendly in the middle of the night.

Crickets. Nothing but crickets....

So I was all excited about the job thing.  To the point that I was actually DANCING after the phone interview!  I sent a cheery little thank you email and got a cheery positive response back.  I had been told that I would be contacted again at the end of last week...which obviously has come and gone.  

I sent another happy little email and this time...no response.  I thought...well...maybe they're busy.  Waited a couple of days...nuthin.  Sent a second inquiry email.  Again...not a PEEP.  WTF? They had even gone so far as to give me their cell phone number and had encouraged me to call with any questions.  So today, I called and of course they didn't pick up the phone.  I left a happy message, give me call, blah blah, looking forward to hearing from you, blah blah. And...NOTHING.  No return call.  

I do believe I've received the blow off.  Could they have possibly found out that I feed my daughter chicken nuggets most nights of the week and have even on one occasion given her a bowl of Oreos for breakfast?  Did she really HAVE one of those George Jetson phones and could see that I wasn't quite the model of health and fitness?  It was such a GREAT interview I thought!!  I can't quite figure this out.  There's got to be more to it. (I'm trying to make myself feel better). I mean, it's not like I'm a brain dead three toed sloth.  If they've changed their mind, aren't hiring, don't have a position, just CALL ME.  I'm reasonable.  

Most of the time.

Unless you don't return my emails and phone calls and then I can get down right hormonal, bitchy and way past unreasonable.  I think I might even border on being an asshole if this goes on too long. 

Yeah.   Pretty sure of that, actually.

Sister Nancy Negative.

I have nothing positive to say today.  Stay tuned for a better mood when I no longer feel like I've been beaten to death by my job. 

Heheheh....

I also like these.   Some of them are rated PG14 and maybe even R.