Had the day off today because of "low census" which basically means there are no doctors hanging around the office seeing patients because they are all in the OR taking things out of patients. Since it is normally my clinic day and there were no patients scheduled...guess who got the day off...ME. That's fine...I had things to do...things I should have done seven years ago.
See...I got remarried seven years ago. I GUESS you're SUPPOSED to get your name changed on your Social Security card right away. Well. I didn't. This year in July, when my driver's license expired, I went tripping merrily into the DMV (don't believe that for a minute, NO ONE is merry at the DMV) only to be told that my name and social security number didn't match and so NO DRIVER'S LICENSE FOR YOU! I kept saying "you're kiddin me". The woman behind the counter who I believe has been there since the wheel was invented, said "no ma'am...you are a NO MATCH FLAG". And then she scowled at me. Like I'd killed a kitten with my bare hands. I scooped up all my assorted miscellaneous identification and certification papers and stomped out of there mumbling the whole way. And then I didn't do anything about it until January. Guess I showed them huh?
Today, since I had the day off and the sick children were well enough to resume their usual escapades, I decided that I'd take care of all this once and for all. So I called the Social Security office which is in the WORST section of the city and was informed that I couldn't get my name changed because my license was invalid...but I can't get a new license because my Social Security card has the wrong name on it...are you detecting a government plot here? The woman on the phone finally tells me that if I bring a copy of a medical record in with my marriage license, they will change my name...however...it must be STAMPED and DATED and SIGNED. No exceptions...thank you very much. I huffed around for awhile and she wasn't changing her mind AT ALL. I called the hospital to get a STAMPED DATED SIGNED copy of a medical record and was told that I could have one for 75 cents on MONDAY because today, they were moving. OH COME ON!!!! I begged, I pleaded. I got my way. The woman says "but you have to sign a consent". Wait...let's think about this...I have to sign a consent to give a copy of MY medical record to ME? And wait, wait...I have to pay for that. I didn't ask any questions because I didn't want to tick off anyone who had any kind of OFFICIAL RECORD POWER. I paid my 75 cents, and off I went to the Social Security office.
Big scary guy behind the desk with a GUN says..."what you here for?" "name change" "married?" "yup." "Press that number one on that key pad". And out spits a number on a piece of paper. 26. I look at the "Now Serving" sign...it says FIFTEEN. I picked out a chair and set up camp.
After about 40 minutes, my number comes up and I bolted for the counter. Had all my documentation ready, spread it all out, tried to crack a couple of jokes and got the evil, hairy eyeball from the woman behind the counter. Nothing funny at the Social Security office apparently. She types a little bit, GIVES ME ALL MY DOCUMENTATION BACK, and says you'll get a new card in 10 days. NEXT! All that...for THAT? Okay...I check my watch and think I can make it to the DMV!!! I'll be all done! Legal in all ways!
DMV. Waiting in line. Girl behind the counter is having a fascinating discussion with the clerk two windows down about when the Dairy Queen opens. I finally get up to the window and tell her that I really should have been here in July, blah blah..they sent me away...blah blah...have this social security office receipt, blah blah...new license...blah. She yells down to another counter "HEY, SHE AIN'T BEEN HERE SINCE JULY AND SHE WAS FLAGGED!". All eyes in the place look at me like I've got scabies. I said "but I don't have my new card yet...I just went today..." "TODAY????" "Yes today, haha...anyway...I need to get a new license..." "Not until you get that CARD. NEXT!!!".
I could adopt ten children from a third world country and I wouldn't be put through this much hassle. The bad part is...even if I would have done this all on time...it STILL would have been an ordeal! So. I'm still driving with a license that expired in July. And really behaving myself by the way. But at least my taxes are properly labeled now! Homeland Security can just scratch me off their list!
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2 comments:
OMGosh was was laughing so hard reading that ... but not at YOU, just at the entire ordeal!
And just why are the DMV people so crabby? I mean, is the job that bad? If so, leave!
Umm- I just stumbled across your blog googling the Ferris Beuhler quote (no, you don't need to know why...).
Great tale, and exactly like every DMV I've had the pleasure of visiting (except in DC, ironically, where they were trying SO HARD to prove that the bad old days of city meltdown under Marion Barry were over). Howsomever, I suggest you think twice about disclosing clearly illegal activity, like driving without a license for six months. Your friendly neighbor beat cop might be googling Ferris Beuhler too...
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