Running on empty

The end of the day is typically chaos for me. It usually involves a frantic rush of phone calls from patients who have waited until 2 minutes before we close to call me and ask questions about some life or death situation. I have to pick up Emma at 5:30 from day-care, so once I have the last phone call done and the receptionist puts the phones over to the service I SPRINT for the door, coat half on, name badge in hand all ready to swipe out, while yelling "I'm OUT!" I then have an eleven minute jog across campus that includes 4 flights of stairs, 2 escalators, a pedestrian bridge over four lanes of traffic and a revolving door. Then it's in the car and across town which takes AT LEAST 20 minutes and then another 7 minutes to the day-care center where I skid into the parking lot sideways and sprint for THEIR door.

No...actually, I just made that last part up...it sounded more dramatic. Because really by that time I'm noodley and tired and it's all I can do to drag myself out of the car to the door and summons up my last bit of strength to put the combination into the door at the school. Emma greets me with flying hair and arms outstretched and I always perk up at that point.

Tonight, however (ominous chord of music), I needed gas.

I don't know WHAT it is about getting gas, but I'd rather have my skin removed with a cheese grater than pump my own gas. Especially when it's cold, or rainy, or really any kind of weather..but remember my previous entries about it being cold? Well it's actually drifting toward RIDICULOUSLY cold at this point and we're supposed to have a low of like 22 BELOW ZERO tonight. That ain't right. And I'm not ABOUT to pump my own gas in that kind of weather. For Pete's sake my feet could snap right off! (refer to previous bird pity posts).

So I cruised into this teeny tiny weeny BP station that I pass on the way home. They proudly advertise "WE PUMP YOUR GAS FOR FREE!" So I take advantage of their good nature every chance I get. Tonight....the entire automobile driving WORLD was parked in their teeny tiny weeny LOT. Lazy freaks. So I pulled my lazy freaky self right behind this guy who was parked next to the pump. I noticed there was no gas pumping thingy stuck in the side of his car and figured he must be finished. As I and the rest of the bazillion cars waited, he proceeded to leisurely wash his windows with that sponge thing on a stick...and then squeegeed his windows carefully using the other side of the sponge on a stick, CAREFULLY AND PAINFULLY WIPING THE SQUEEGEE between EVERY SQUEEGE! After the first time he did it...I started thinking about how he must not be right in the head. After the second time he did it, I started thinking he was trying to piss us all off. After the THIRD time he did the SAME front window...I started planning ways to remove his SPLEEN through his left NOSTRIL.

Okay...FIRST..I'm LATE at this point and B...It's COLD! The fact that I'm in a warm car not withstanding, the old guy pumping the gas could lose a scaly FOOT out there! So I started making passive aggressive faces...then I put my car in reverse and forward a couple of times. He lazily dipped the sponge in what must have been DAMN NEAR FROZEN water in that sponge thing's bucket! Finally, the car that was in the FIRST pump space drove off and I made a big production of driving around this guy and backing right up to his front grill so that I could be next to the pump. I was glaring at everyone at this point because DAMN IT, I just sprinted across an entire hospital to get here and I need someone to pump my gas!

I sat there for a while and finally this older guy with leopard earmuffs (really....old guy...leopard earmuffs!), came up and tapped on my passenger window. I have never been able to work that control panel for those windows and after I'd rolled down EVERY window but the one that Leopard Muffs was standing at, I finally hit the right button. This old guy was a study in efficiency. Grabbed the money, pumped the gas, smacked the back of my SUV and yelled "GO!". It was like he was a member of a NASCAR pit crew (not that I watch that 'stuff').

As I drove away, I checked the window one more time and Squeegee Boy was leisurely pulling his keys out of his pocket. Just wait til Leopard Muffs' ears freeze and fall off and he won't have anything to hold those muffs up! And who will pump my gas next time if he has no ears and can't wear his leopard muffs? I don't want the holes in his head to get all cold! And I can't pump my own gas for Pete's SAKE. And it's all SQUEEGEE BOY'S fault!