Bird pity party part two

It's still cold here. And you know...I DID go outside the other day and brought in the empty bird feeder so that I could fill it. The lid was actually frozen shut and that made me feel even WORSE for the birds. I could just imagine their sad little beady birdy eyes and their frozen little scaly feet. So after I managed to get the feeder thawed out enough to get the top off, I filled it with some delicious (? it's from Lowe's...do they make delicious bird food? Do birds even have taste buds?) no waste bird seed which I also managed to spill all over the laundry room. Now I should just put up a blinking "COME ON IN!" sign for the field mice (who are ALSO probably freezing by the way) because I'm sure they'll be interested in all that teeny tiny seed I spilled.

So I dragged the feeder back out to the hook outside in the 3 degree weather with the -24 wind chill and then hotfooted it back to the house because of course I only went out in my socks. I'm feeling all "Mother Teresa-sish" now and told Joe that maybe I should roll something in peanut butter and bird seed and hang it out side. He suggested the puppy. (Note to self: Joe not compassionate about bird population or for that matter...Bad Puppy aka: Frosty). I made a brief attempt to find a pine cone somewhere in the house (don't you have them lying around? Turns out I don't) and then gave up and sort of forgot about the whole thing.

Except. I've been watching that feeder since then. NOT ONE DAMN BIRD. So I started thinking. How do they find bird feeders anyway? Has mine been marked with a birdy "DON'T EAT HERE" rating in their bird Triple A guild to bird feeders? Like maybe it reads "BAD LOWE'S SEED, FEW SUNFLOWER SEEDS, NO ENTERTAINMENT, NO PEANUT BUTTER COATED PUPPIES..." and then I get like a half a star rating. How do I regain my status with the birds? I mean I threw some old bread out there a couple of weeks ago! Come on! My mom's place is RIDDEN with birds. I mean lousy with them. But she has cute feeders and lots of seed and SUET for God's sake. I just can't bring myself to hang cubes of fat in my trees!

Which is why I will only EVER have a half star rating in the bird world.

Business must be good

It's ridiculously cold here. It's outer space cold. The kind of cold that doesn't seem to care if you have a coat on or not. You can wear wool, you can wear Therma-something-or-other. You can wear heated socks and you're STILL going to be cold as soon as you step out side the door. Temp last night. ZERO. That guy in the picture is the grapevine snowman who lives on our patio during the holidays who we haven't dragged into the garage yet along with all the summer planters that are still back there containing their crispy-frozen plants. I keep looking at the empty bird feeder and thinking..."I should go feed those poor birds". But what self respecting bird is going to leave the edge of a chimney long enough to come and wrap his little scaly birdy toes around my bird feeder for food I got at Lowe's? How do birds' feet not just SNAP OFF in this kind of weather now that I think about it? There can't be that much blood flowing their feet. (Now I'm obsessing...). No really, think about it...all kinds of things just crack right off when it's this cold, water pipes freeze, cars won't start, people get freaking FROST BITTEN. Birds? Nope, out there dancing around on their twiggy little feet. Has anybody studied this??? Basically there is nothing to a damn bird. If I wrap myself in a feather boa and stand outside in my bare feet today...I'm going to freeze my ass off! And end up on the news. I think I'll go make their birds some sort of treat...or knit them some socks...what is it three toes? Four toes? (Trying to remember Big Bird...was he even accurate?). Oh screw it...I'll just go fill the feeder after I put on my space suit.